Author: vvo1

If someone were to come up to me and ask me to tell them anything – I would tell them this: I hope you have the wonderful opportunity of knowing and having a good friend in your lifetime.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CmV-GQlPCBX/

I’ve been lucky enough to have known my friends for over a decade (almost twenty years now). When I tell people about this, they are often amazed as they recall how their friendships have soured over time due to disagreements, differences, and losing touch with one another over time as they got busier and more invested in their own individual lives.

So, this made me wonder – how did we make it so far? What made our friendships so successful? After all, we had moments in time that separated us like going to different schools, starting our careers, and even moving to a new city. Yet somehow, we kept the glue of friendship together after all this time. I write to you in hopes of sharing some insight on how to keep the friendship fire alive, and the value in that.

To know the how’s, you must first know the what.

Context:

My friend group consists of three wonderful individuals: Adrianna (A), Ellain (E), and Kathryn (K). A + E came into my life early on through elementary school. We were enrolled in the Mandarin bilingual program, and our cultural backgrounds were similar – we were the second generation‘s of our family. Though we didn’t know of all these similarities back then as careless kids, I reflect back on it and realized that those things were what helped bring us together to exist in the same space. Our parents enrolled us in that particular school because they had wanted us to speak and stay in touch with our cultural language.

I’m not sure if you are as wishy washy as me, but I think this is what they call ‘fate’. Because from then on, we stuck together like three peas in a pod even until junior high! This was also where K came into the picture. We met because we had several classes together in Junior High, and easily became friends because we were both goofy and we just understood one another. From there, I introduced K to the group and we (thankfully) all got along with one another well.

When high school came around, A went to a different one while E, K and I went to the same one. It was during this time that I admit we sort of lost touch with A – we just simply weren’t in the same space anymore which meant we saw each other less frequently. This period of time is best described by the quote below:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CmV9TO1uMdZ/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet

Phew! That might be a mouthful to read, but twenty years of friendship is hard to pack into just a single paragraph. I promise I’m almost done!

Continuing Onwards:

Fast forward, some of us decided to attend university after high school, and some of us decided to wait and figure life out. But even amidst us getting busier and life getting harder, we made a deliberate choice to at least check in on one another periodically. We chose to show up for important celebrations like birthdays, performances, graduations, and holidays! We chose to answer our friends calls when they were struggling. We chose to listen to one another. Even after some of us went on to get a degree and establish our careers and relationships with partners, this foundation of showing up and showing effort remained a staple even if we were in different cities or doing different things in our lives.

So that sort of brings us to where we are today. A group of individuals who come together as friends to celebrate one another in all aspects, who respect one another, and who share with one another both the vulnerable, hard moments and the joyous moments.

Tips on Keeping the Friendship Flame Alive:

So how did that all work for as long as it did? Well, in hindsight I think 5 key things prompted a successful long-term friendship:

This is the story of us. 5 things that allowed us to keep our friendship for this long? #EXSM3989 pic.twitter.com/yzkDgTiUdQ

— v (@yahoneyvee) December 19, 2022

The outcome? I have three individuals that know me intimately, that bring me immense joy, and that I trust and know I can count on. They’ve watched me (just as I have been fortunate enough to watch them) through all my life milestones. They’ve seen me succeed, cry, laugh, grieve, and celebrate. I wouldn’t trade what we’ve built for anything. And I hope with these tips, you can see and feel the value in continuing to forge your friendships for the long run.

We cannot deny that we are now operating and existing in a highly digital era. Social media is the new norm, and snippet form storytelling is even more common. As a result, we need to think a little more deeply about how we can story tell under these new societal circumstances.

I’ve highlighted 5 ways we can tell a better story in a digital era, I’ve summarized this in the text below as well as an infographic:

1. Understand the brain:
   • Our brain has some hardwired processing that we need to understand. Understanding that we process visuals much faster than text alone means we can ‘hack’ our way into our audience.
2. Understand how we’ve changed
   • Because we live in a digital era, we have to face the reality that it’s changed us! Because of the constant information overload, our attention span has been reduced. Understanding this means we can better understand the limitations we’re working with when we try to tell a story.
3. Appropriate language
   • Effective storytelling doesn’t need to be complicated. In fact, keeping it simple and writing as if we’re talking can actually go a long way.
4. Make a good impression
   • Stories that invoke a reaction tend to perform better.
5. Be intentional
   • Because of all the limitations we find ourselves with (short attention spans, social media limits), there needs to be a purpose in the stories we tell.

Hope you gained some insight by viewing this!

I have dentist-phobia. I have defined this as: “my personal and irrational fear of a dentist stemming from what I deemed to be a traumatic childhood trauma involving a dentist that has consumed me for the last decade”.

You can find the details of how this dentist-phobia came about in my life and what made me remember why I struggle so much with dentists and dental offices in general on my Twitter post.

I have attempted to utilize storytelling techniques in my Twitter thread to try and make it an appealing story even in snippet-form.

• I’ve written it to be just how I would talk, to try and keep it authentic, natura and most importantly – easy to read.
• I’ve also attempted to combine my story with visuals to keep it engaging. Especially as a thread, where snippets of text alone can be an eyesore and interest can be easily lost.
• I’ve tried to keep it engaging by asking for audience input in the beginning and the end of my tweet thread in an attempt to make it feel like they are part of my decision-making. Thus, this ‘live-tweet’ just became interactive in some form.

I hope you enjoy the snippet. And I am for real… if you know of any kind, non-judgmental dental offices that are great with anxious patients – please let me know!

Turning Red is just one of many coming-of-age stories released by Disney and Pixar. However, it was a particularly memorable and a stand-out story for me as it fostered an emotional connection to the characters and their experiences – we will dive further into this shortly. For those who have not seen it, Turning Red follows 13-year-old Mei Lee’s journey from preadolescence to becoming a teenager amongst the heavy weight of parental expectations, personal desires, and uncontrollable biological changes.

Why I Loved It

While there are tons of Disney and Pixar movies that I have grew up on and have personally loved over the years, the 2022 release of Turning Red is just one of those movies that managed to creep its way into my heart for to easily become one of my favorite movies of all time:

• It is heartfelt: I know we’ve all experienced that awkward and stressful transition from preadolescence to the teenager years where puberty begins to hit. We watch Mei Lee go through the struggle of this throughout the movie. In her case, Mei Lee turns into a red panda whenever these emotions begin to rise. However, we see that she is not alone and has the love of friends and family to guide her through.
• It’s familiar: Throughout the movie, we can see that the movie takes place in Toronto – a familiar Canadian city that we all might recognize. It features the famous CN Tower, Chinatown, and even the transit system!
• It Represents: Mei Lee is a young Asian girl growing up in a big Canadian city. Throughout the movie, we can see visual references to aspects of Chinese culture. I think it is wonderful and important to see representation in stories and have this lens amplified to an audience.
• It’s Personal: For me, I could relate to a lot of what Mei Lee was experiencing and that was also what stood out. I myself am also a Chinese Canadian so I was able to identify with Mei Lee’s character. The movie features some nostalgic elements that I also saw in my childhood – like a Tamagotchi.

Why Turning Red is Good Storytelling:

In a TedTalk by Ashley Fell, on Why storytelling is so powerful in the digital era, she goes over a few key components: A good story is one you can identify with, they interest us, instruct us, involve us, inspire us in some way, and good stories are inherently visual. Turning Red does a good job at putting these principles into action, and thus managing to tell a memorable story.

Turning Red is Universal and Interest’s Us

As a coming-of-age story, I think most of us can identify with the aspect of ‘growing up’ and trying to find ourselves as we juggle a period of discovery regardless of age, gender, or culture – that experience is familiar. In the movie, we see Mei Lee even hide a journal from her mother. I’m not sure about you, but I definitely also had a journal when I was a tween that I tucked away.

It humanizes the experience of growing pains in a digestible way. And Turning Red does not shy away from showing the very real internal emotional and relational conflicts and what some might consider to be a more taboo topic such as puberty. This is also what makes the story so compelling: it’s relatability and confidence in telling a story that some may argue as uncomfortable to talk about. Some parents have critiqued this story in that it touches on topics that should be left out of childrens story.

And let’s not forget about the captivating visuals in this animation that help bring the story to life. The characters are fully animated, colorful, and expressive. Ashely Fell also mentioned that the three key components of a great story include: color, picture, and movement. As an animation – we get to see all of this unfold before our eyes. We see a girl transform not just figuratively, but literally into this giant red panda!

Turning Red Instructs Us

We get to see the development of a character. We get to see the impact of positive friendships as a core support. We get to see the very real aspect of a girl trying to meet her mother’s expectations. We get to see this character wrestle with these experiences and ultimately learn to accept them as part of who she is growing into. Turning Red teaches us that these things are normal, and not something to shy away from. It teaches us to embrace ourselves and that eventually we will figure it out.

Turning Red Inspires Us

This story is inspiring because it amplifies a topic that maybe mainstream society may find uncomfortable or challenging to talk about. Despite the criticisms that Turning Red has received, I think it challenges the narrative of just spewing out happy fairytales and opens the dialogue for maybe addressing other real and human topics and putting it at the forefront of a story as a learning experience.

Furthermore, if we take some time to delve into why the story was written by director Domee Shi, we can see that Shi actually was pulling from a lot of her own experiences growing up. In turn, Pixar also saw this universality in her story and chose to bring it to life for a larger audience. Perhaps this best serves as an example as to how our own stories can become something more as long as we give it a voice.

For me, Turning Red will always be a movie that if someone were to ever ask me what a ‘good story is’ – it would the first one I think of for these reasons listed above. If you have not watched it already, I highly suggest at least seeing the trailer to get a taste of what the story has to offer. And I hope that you find it as memorable as I did.