I’ve known my best friend, Jenna, for 12ish years now, and 9 of those years have been long distance. Jenna lives in Israel and I live in Edmonton, and unfortunately for us, the long distance will likely be permanent. That of course doesn’t stop me from asking her every now and again to come back home, but I know that “home” isn’t here anymore. So what does a BFF do to support her BFF?
We put in the work.
Long distance anything is HARD WORK. Our friendship is a labour of big love. When you live in opposite timezones, the instant gratification of having a real-time conversation doesn’t always exist. Sometimes, I’ll be having a really hard day and I just want someone to cry to. Sometimes, she’ll be experiencing a high, and will want me to share in the celebration. While we can’t always be present or participate in the ways we want to, we have never stopped showing up for each other.
How do we do it? I’ve summed up some highlights and insights I’ve gained from my 9 year LDR.
- Our Inside Jokes Know No Borders
Over the years, Jenna and I have coined some specific language and jokes that are unique to us. We end all our conversations by saying “Olive you branches” (translation: I love you lots), and “shmeh” (that’s annoying.) For example, back in tenth grade, we both got really into Kid Cudi’s music (like…really into it). We’d text each other the lyrics of our favourite song, “Erase Me” while in math class. Somehow, this song has become our song. Does it have ANYTHING to do with us? No. Will I dedicate this to Jenna on her wedding day? Heck yes.
2. We show up for the Big, Medium and Small Moments.
When my dad stopped responding to his chemo treatments, Jenna flew out to see me. She showed up at my doorstep with a blanket that smelled like her, and the biggest, boniest hug. Of course, flights are expensive, and they’re not always feasible. We don’t expect each other to be able to fly back and forth from one country to another for all of our milestones, but we’ve found other ways to stay connected and involved.
This is where technology comes in. This is where we use and abuse Skype (now Zoom, because Skype never worked in our favour), Whatsapp, Instagram and Facebook messenger. Voice notes are our favourite thing. We send each other monologues on the daily. We talk about everything- what we’ve eaten that day, what that weird dream might have meant, what our biggest hopes and fears are for the future… those voice notes make it feel like we’re together, even when we’re not together.
3. When I spiral, she’s sane
When one of you is a hypochondriac, the other one cannot be. Case in point:
4. We Anchor Each Other
Every so often, I get into a major slump (emphasis on major). This happens almost exclusively when the sun stops shining. Jenna ALWAYS #SADchecks me (SAD = Seasonal Affective Disorder) and I adore her for it.
Exhibit 1:
Exhibit 2:
Exhibit 3:
5. We Use Each Other’s Love Languages
Jenna and I are both big on words of affirmation and acts of service. We water our friendship with a lot of intention and care. Of course we argue and get upset with each other (that’s normal and it’s healthy), but we always hold space for remedying our grievances. Jenna reminds me often that I’m strong and resilient, and I tell her often that I’m so gosh dang proud of how far she’s come and how far she’ll go.
All this is to say that all relationships- friendships included, take work and watering. LDR’s aren’t always ideal, but they can also be beautiful. You can grow together even when you’re apart. I love you long time, Jenna. Here’s to a lifetime more to go!
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