A recent incident with my soon-to-be teenager has me questioning our societies expectation and assumption of what a 12 year old girls appearance should be. And as a mother of a 12 year old girl, encouraging and maintaining the self-confidence of my tween is proving to be more challenging than I anticipated.
The Incident
I recently shared a story on Instagram, about my 12 year old daughter Renée being called “he” during a family outing.
The Aftermath
The comment left her feeling stunned, hurt, insulted, and wondering, “do I really look like a boy?”
As her mother, I knew we needed to sit down and have a discussion, before this drop has a negative ripple effect on her self-confidence.
My Approach
Me: “Do you think that girl was out-of-line to call you a boy?
Renée: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Think about it. Look at the other girls your age. What do most of them look like?”
Renée (still unsure where I’m going with this).
Me: “Don’t you find that most girls nowadays are working hard to look like digital filters?”
Renée (wide-eyed and jaw dropped): “YEEEESSSSS!”
Me: “So if most teenage girls are walking around, looking like their “filtered” version, and then someone like you comes along, again, can you blame that girl for assuming you’re a boy?”
Back Me Up
Lucky for me, the Web is filled with an abundance of articles, studies, and research confirming the reality of girls seeking changes to their appearance, specifically to look more like their filtered selfies and digitally-distorted images they consume on social media (an article by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America) to prove my point, making Renée feel much more confident about herself.
Or this article by MIT Technology Review, adding to my argument, with a young Sophia confessing, “twelve-year old girls having access to something that makes you not look like you’re 12? Like, that’s the coolest thing ever. You feel so pretty.”
I could honestly go on, and share NUMEROUS similar articles. The facts are there and the results aren’t great.
In The End
I applaud Renée for her self-confidence. To not cave into the trend of looking like the digital-distorted version of herself and for showing up as herself.
I love everything about her, inside and out, and I’m super proud of the person she is.
EXSM 3989 - Digital Storytelling Class Blog 